"I want to die at a hundred years old with an American flag on my back and the star of Texas on my helmet, after screaming down an Alpine descent on a bicycle at 75 miles per hour. I want to cross one last finish line as my stud wife and my ten children applaud, and then I want to lie down in a field of those famous French sunflowers and gracefully expire expire, the perfect contradiction to my once-anticipated poignant early demise."

- Lance Armstrong, Its Not About The Bike

I had been toying with the idea of putting something of this sort up, but couldn't find sentences, which would capture the meaning as good as this one does. Lance Armstrong. The name was and will be synonymous to an epic fight with cancer, a surreal resurgence into life and success, a story which will be told for many years to come but will never be able to relate the true spirit that has made it.

I really only knew Lance Armstrong as a cancer survivor who won the Tour de France 7 times. I actually supported him in the last one, after which he retired. And I didn't even know what kind of cancer he won the fight against. It was stuff of legends, his story of rising up from the ruins, perhaps that is why it was never told in full detail. I didn't even know biographies of this sort existed. Of course, that was before my best friend suggested I should read the book, AND my eyes fell on it in a bookstore. It's important the word AND because I'd never have taken the trouble to look for it, as much of a book-lover I am. Its Not About The Bike changed my life.

This might sound cliche. But life just hasn't been the same since then. I actually managed to see what Lance Armstrong was really like. And the truth is, he was a normal American guy! Legends tell us about the brave way in which he fought the cancer. What they don't tell us is that in that fight, there were humane times too. He just didn't stand up and say," I'm gonna fight this" and go ahead. There were periods when he suffered and suffered badly. There were times when he felt he was losing it all and then times when he got the boost to live on through it.

He talks about his meetings with cancer patients and the way it really inspired him to fight. The book inspires us to fight on. Imagine yourself in a position when you have the knowledge that you have a fatal disease. A disease which can kill you today, may be tomorrow, a position where you've got a chance, but just A chance. Everything else seems trivial. Living looks like the gift you never ever want taken from you. Thats exactly what reading this book has done to me. It really put htings into perspective. Living is what is important, because as precious as it is, it is easily lost. And the losing is not always without pain.

Lance sort of brought a humanness into my life. Every day in the morning, I look forward to living ( except on days when exams have a priority!). And every night, I thank God for a wonderful living. At least I had a day and I know there's gonna be another one. Lance Armstrong's story is not one of legends. It needs to be treated like a normal one to give it justice. Its a story that every single person can learn from. Its a story of determination, perseverance, and the will to live. Its a story of all those times when you think you've lost all that and people in your life bring it back to you. The fight against cancer just wasn't his fight. It was the fight of almost 50 other people who were with him throughout.

I always read this book when I need the motivation to do something. The human element that Lance Armstrong has brought to it, gives me the push to go on. I do believe that this book was the very thing which was responsible for the motivation I got to get into Medicine. I don't mean to develop the need to become a doctor. I mean to study and crack an entrance considered one of the toughest there is.

And Lance Armstrong became a human being, a normal one, just like me. He wasn't one of those ultimately great people you can never even hope to idolise. I found an amazing motivational factor and a great idol. And the lines I've got there on top just capture the entire spirit of Idol.....

"Aaj Chhutti hai?"( Today is a holiday??!!)
- the words of a small child to another child, which I heard yesterday, as I was walking past them.

The innocence was spilling out of those words. In the past three weeks, we, as people have suddenly matured. Life is many ways makes us capable of living by giving us lessons, and in the past weeks we've been learning those lessons, and growing up. But, the words of this unknown child, just made me realise that there is still innocence left in this world. Innocence , whose border is made by the walls of the school and the home it lives in; outside of which is a world which does not affect it, however much it tries. The words made me smile to myself. Not just because of the essence of the sheer joy they reflected, but also because they brought back memories of my own school days, when I too, lived by this philosophy. An unexpected holiday was the best gift your school could offer, and you took it with both hands and used it to its full capacity. Things change so much, and it is ususally a few words which really make you realise that.
We, as people of the world, are so busy with trying to live on in the world, that we forget what it really is to LIVE life; we forget what we were in school, living life to fullest, enjoying every moment of it. Life to us is just about going to work every day, trying to get on in the world, not really asking ourselves what it is that we WANT from the world or from our lives. A child is so care-free. A child does not care what happens around him in the world, simply because he looks at the world through rose-tinted glasses and feels excited about its beauty, its reality and more importantly about the world itself as a whole. he feels that excitement to live on in the world, to reach where we are currently, to do what we do now, simply because he doesn't know that he will change, and look bac at his childhood and say, " Wish I could go back!"

Dedicated to All Those Who Were Martyred in Mumbai

Its been tough to watch mumbai the way it has been. It just makes you wonder what exactly human life has become. And to watch the Taj going down that way, hasn't been a treat. We've all been really disturbed by it all. Things of this kind haven't happened. Bomb blasts we can handle, but this was way beyond all that. The media has been emphasising only on the death of three policemen, but what about the rest? Aren't they all important? And what about those foriegners? Imagine being in a country you don't know anything about and being a hostage there only to meet your end. Its so unreal and scary. Imagine going to a regular day at work, looking forward to cooking lovely meals, looking forward to another day of training, looking forward to meeting your friends for lunch, looking forward to a lovely evening when you are to get married, and then have everything wiped out in seconds.
Innocent people who probably never did a thing wrong in their lives have just been done to death in horrifying manners. At Nariman house, they killed the American Rabbi and his wife. 28 and 29, thats what their ages were. Their two year old son was released, but I wonder how much of pleading they would have had to do for that, how much of suffering they would have undergone in letting their son go, knowing that he would never probably ever know that they had been with him for two years of his life. Its just so inhuman, whatever these terrorists have done. They wanted a JW Marriot at the Taj! Is this the way to move on in the world? An eye for an eye? Its not eyes we're talking about here. Its life, people around whom the lives of their families revolved, people who were loved by at least one other person in this world, sons whose faces, their mothers wished they'd see every day.....children who lived for their parents, to see them come back home everyday to play with them.
What is more terrifying? To see your child's body covered with blood and just not responding? or to see a parent , knowing you will never see him alive again, knowing that one shade over your head is gone........
Its just too gruesome to think about it all. And the worst part of it all is that after all this, it will be put down after a few months as another terrorist attack, the spirit of mumbai will be hailed and it will all be over.
Thats it....just over.....life has become so different from what it was at one time..never thought i'd have to face days like these. Never thought that things would come down to such a low that our own so-called politicians would call this as , " Bade bade sheheron mein aisi choti choti battein hoti hain." ( In big cities small things of this kind happen).
Never did I think I'd be frustrated thinking about my own country, thinking about the plight of people and wondering what we had done to get something of this sort happening to us.
This goes out to all those who've suffered the consequences of the dreadful ordeal we've just faced. Words are not enough. I hope we all act on it, after this at least.

" If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere....."

- line from the chorus of New York

I didn't really want to mention the 'New York, New York', because its more of 'USA, USA' for me. But the point is that, I'm excited and definitely this will be one of those defining moments of my life where I shall be able to decide whether my choice is correct or not. And above all that, I love the song! It nice, peaceful, engaging and just the type of song I like. No hard rock, no metal, just a peaceful and quiet song. Really improves your mood. We learnt it in school and since then , its been one those hummable songs you don't need any music or occasion for. Just start and go on and on and on, and then people join in! Its got that quality of chorus, and that I guess, just pulls people in to join. Now obviously, its more meaningful and all, but I Love New York!!!!!!

"And when someday we say to you that we don't want to live anymore....Do not get angry...
Try to appreciate that our age is not just lived but survived."
- " To Our Dear Child",Parent's Wish, a poster in my dentist's clinic

It is a very beautiful poem. Something that every parent will want to say to their children. Every single line is almost every word that almost leaves the mouth , but doesn't actually come out. And the above lines are most touching. It just makes you look at that aspect with a completely different eye, an eye which understands and accepts. I wish every child could hear this poem or read it once. It completely changes the way you look at your parents and your grandparents too. You suddenly understand the meaning of having them, there, as solid as ever, not going anywhere. I wish I can get in the entire thing written down or something the next time I go, because I want every child in the world to read this, and when they have time to analyse the words. It just values your parents more. It gives you a chance to say " Thank you" before its too late, a chance to improve, before things get worse, and most importantly, to improve yourself as a person.
A Parent's Wish is always to see their children as better people than they themselves were, and I think, reading this poem definitely takes us a step closer to that.

"I did not come here to tell you that I can't live without you. I can live without you. I just don't want to."

- Sarah, Rumour Has It

This one dialogue just summarises the meaning of love and marriage and that bond that you always want to have with someone, according to me. I don't believe that you can't live without somebody, its crazy, of course you can! If you've lived without that person before, you can live without them now too. Its a choice that we make, a choice which says that you're the person I WANT to spend the rest of my life with, not HAVE to spend the rest of my life with. Its strange how easily such a complex thought can put into such simple words!

To My Teachers

" Perfect Practice Makes A Man Perfect."
- Shiv Khera

And thats what I want to thank my teachers for. For giving me the perfect practice, for making me feel good about my practice and most importantly for believing in me. Its easy to just let go a student when he does badly, but to pick him up and start off, putting your 110% is not an easy job. And thats where these people have reached the highs of life. Today, all my success is because they were there and I wonder what I would've been without those hands guiding me.

To all my teachers:
Mrs. Siraj
Ms. Matthews
Mrs. Monica Joshi
Mrs. Usha Joshi
Bhatnagar Aunty
Ramprasad Aunty
Mrs. Kapoor
Mrs. Dalvie
Mrs. Beri
Mrs. Tanga
Mrs. John
Mrs. Dhawan
Prof. Mugdha Modak
Prof. Devdhar
Prof. Kelkar
Dr. Sule
Prof. Jha
and the list continues.......................
HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY

Remembrance

Today I talk about a special person once more. A person who taught me to love dogs and not be very afraid of them. This day, I remember Ttashi, my close friend's coccker spaniel who expired two years back. She was the darling of the family and of course, the apple of our (friends') eyes. I miss you little girl. Wish dogs had longer lives.....

"As a worker at the Engineering Research Building (ERB), I often passed this sign: "TO ERB". One day, I noticed that some philosophical soul had pencilled in: "Is Human, to forgib, divine." "
- "Peterborough" in 'The Daily Telegraph', London, taken from Readers' Digest, June 1984

Now this is an intelligent joke. And it is a joke of longetivity. You will smile every time you hear, for the sheer intelligence of that worker who came up with such a one-liner. And thats why, I love reading this stuff from Readers' Digest, over and over again....

"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,
Somewhere alone in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life."
-The Fray, 'How To Save A Life'

Its a song thats close to my heart, 'coz I believe that things happen in our lives, that drive people away from us. It might be just a small sentence, or an exclamation, or a just a small action which really puts a strain in your relationship with others. And where you know that, that person is the one you'd have stayed up all night with, just to save him, you've now lost him in the bitterness and you don't even know what you've done wrong.... There are friends I've got now, who were so close to me about two years back; so close that we'd share everything with each other. But now every time I meet them, I have the feeling of having lost them and don't even know what I did to make me feel so, or what they did to make me feel so. But, the feeling's there and quite real..

"Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?"
- Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End

Perhaps the most lovable of all Pirates, Jack, sorry, Captain Jack is. And so is this one single line. The question of the simplest kind, something that one would just take for assumption, he asks. Not because he wants to know, or because he thinks its something different to ask, but because this is what makes him HIM. Of all the lines spoken by Captain Jack, this is the one that endeared me to him most, because of its sheer innocence. The innocence is so characteristically Jack Sparrow, that you cannot help but marvel at the strength of those words.
Captain Jack Sparrow is my most favourite character of the world stories. This line just proves me completely right. Long Live Captain Jack Sparrow!!!!! Yo Ho Ho!!

"Courage was mine, and I had Mystery;
Wisdom was mine and I had Mastery;"
- "Strange Meeting", Owen Wilson

My most favourite poem and the best lines in it. The first time I read this poem, these two lines stood out like I'd read them somewhere before and now couldn't remember. But, the fact is, that this is my most favourite poem. We learnt this one in Class 10, a poem that speaks about war, against it, and in the least of words is able to describe the horrors of war and 'dogs of war unleashed'. The two lines above almost are the central idea of the poem. The soldier had the courage to look for the true meaning of life and happiness and when he solved this, he had the knowledge which enabled him to step away from the reality of war. However it was war that cut short his life, which he would otherwise have spent, in spreading the knowledge he had gained.

I've never appreciated war, and neither have I been able to appreciate poem which talked against war by describing it. Because, they were never able to appeal to my heart. But this poem was very different, because it was sort of real and not exaggerated. I found pages on which I'd written this poem down after my exams got over two years ago, so that I'd never lose it, even if I lost my textbk. All that anti-war thing just comes back now......

Remberance

This thought goes out to a very dear friend of mine who passed away a year ago on this day.
Its hard to think about you on this day, without a moment of grief and longing. I wish I had the power to call you back. A year ago had I wished and prayed and yearned from God to give you the strength to fight on and win the battle of life and death. " She deserves it more than any one else on earth.", I'd pleaded to Him, hoping that He would listen to me and give me my one wish. I felt so optimistic that you'd come back, as happy and radiant as always, and push behind that accident as one of those bad chapters you never wanna open again. But what He did was let me down for the first time ever, in a way that I'd never expected Him to do. You went on, leaving behind a chapter that we would never want to open. You left the world empty, and us to continue without you there. All through the past year, I've gone through every exam, wondering what you would do if you had ever faced it all. I wonder how God could be so harsh to cut short such a young life in the way He did. I miss you.... And I'm sorry for not realising it was you who'd had the accident, when I first heard about it. I'll never be able to forgive myself for this...Never

"Karma- what goes around, comes around."

- A dialogue by a character in "Day Break", a serial on Star World

Today, this is just perfect. I got my result of probably the most important examination of my life, if not my most favourite. And I've MADE IT THROUGH TO A GOVERNMENT SEAT IN A MEDICAL COLLEGE!!! Its supposec to be really tough for freshers to do so! So obviously an achievement!! I believe that Karma had to do A LOT with this result, simply 'coz I'd really worked hard and my board marks overall didn't really show that courtesy one subject. Plus, my competition was with one person, who'd got the Rank 1 in Pune in the boards 2 yrs ago. It isn't like I deserved that, but to come so close and not make it was tough, considering that I was never in the running for that close a place throughout the years I prepared for that exam. this time, I've got 7 ( quite a lucky and strong number. Thanks JK Rowling, I owe you one!!) marks more than her and am sure of a seat while she is not. Thirdly, people from my school don't tend to do as well as they should and I worked really hard to try and get that shadow off me. So, I really did get what I wanted and somehow all the marks I've got now, the rank I've got makes up for all the losses suffered in the process. I feel really special at having made my family very proud. This is a landmark day for me. And it is the 14th!!!!

"M. le docteur over there, he said just now, that all this"- his hand smote the Canon's stomach, and the Canon winced- "was only a residence. Tell me, if you find a burglar in your house what do you do? Shoot him, do you not?" "No," cried the Canon. " no, indeed- I mean not in this country."

- "The Fourth Man", Agatha Christie

This conversation really made me think. It is a story in which a man, during a train journey, tells the three other occupants of the compartment, the story of a girl who suffered from multiple personalities. It is so interesting to consider the body as the residence of the soul. So there are the usual occupants of the so-called residence who are somewhat similar. These are probably our similarities with other people, the resemblances of our actions and reactions with somebody else. But when a stronger occupant comes in in the form of a burglar, it is only but right to kill him for having done so. Yet, that is never the case in a civilised country like ours. But when we consider the case of a personality entering the body, we do really kill it, right? By making the person forget it, making it all come out, by psychological treatment. Interesting comparison there, Agatha Christie.

" Har Ghadi Badal Rahi Hai Roop Zindagi,

Chaav Hai Kabhi, Kabhi Hai Dhoop Zindagi,

Har Pal Yahan Ji Bhar Jiyo,

Jo Hai Sama, Kal Ho Na Ho."

- Title track of a hindi Movie, 'Kal Ho Na Ho'

I really live by this thought. The thought that there might be no tomorrow haunts me and so I really wanna enjoy the day given to me and I am very thankful for it. The very idea of having my own blog came to me in Dec 2007. I wanted to start a afresh so I decided to push the idea of starting, after my exams got over in May. But, it kept on haunting me , that thought of wanting to to do it then and there. And so I did it! I made a blog though I had no clear notion of what I wanted to write. I wanted a blog and I had to do it, simply because I might never have another chance to do it.

I kinda live by the song above. Its, like this, theme song of my life, something whose meaning just reveberates every day in my life. I watched the movie yesterday and the song stayed with me. Once more. Just thought I'd write about it...

"6 Minutes of Madness Game"
Three years since that glorious night and I still feel as if it happened yesterday. I'll always remember this game as the best Liverpool ever played, 'coz it simply is. I remember feeling so down and out at half-time, wid the reds being 0-3 down. I thought it was over. We'd never be able to win another Champions' League. Couldn't believe I'd have to face somethign like that after the semis against Chelsea.
Yet the 2nd half was a different game altogether. The score didn't matter and Steven Gerrard just couldn't stop himself. The excitement and joy at the first goal, the sensation at the second and ecstacy at the third was perhaps the strongest we, Liverpool fans have ever felt. And then the penalty-shootout. the heart-stopping moments, the sweaty palms, the loud heartbeats....I remember just sitting still, not moving an inch, continuously repeating a prayer , hoping that Dudek would save the last penalty. and when it did happen, I went completely mad. there's no other word to describe the sudden outbreak of feelins and emotions inside me. To watch the guys run faster than they had throughout the match, in delight; to watch the Kop on their feet jumping as much as they could; to hear that "You'll Never Walk Alone" echoing throughout the stadium. It was sheer madness risen out of joy, relief and the simple feeling of victory. I never cry when I'm happy, but that day I shed tears of joy, because there was simply nothing else which could describe my feeling better.
As I write this, a smile plays on my face and I guess its tribute enough to all those players who travelled to Istanbul in May 2005; who played their part in giving us a game to remember.

"An Inconvenient Truth"
- The title of the movie by Al Gore.

I just watched the movie, and once more the urge to save the environment around me, rose inside me. I wish we, humans weren't so selfish that we could reduce the earth to this level. I was watching the sky today, as is one of my rituals of all days. It looked so blue and bright and just so pure. No white puffs of cotton bolls lining it, none of those dark clouds to spoil its rawness, it felt like paradise to watch it; as if I were in a completely different world; a world just like the one I always dream of. Guess I couldn't have a better start to day of my final examination. As I write this, I feel the peace and quiet that I've wanted since the time I started out after school life. It is beautiful.

"You'll never walk alone."

The song is so true to me and every time I hear the song, there's something in it that pulls out all the hope it can from within inside of me. Just heard Jordin Sparks singing it on American Idol's advertisement, and I felt that same rush of confidence inside me once more. I just love the song......

"While this door is closing, another door is opening. It's our job to go find that door."
- from Readers' Digest, quoted by Matthew Perry ( The New Zealand Herald)

This one's just perfect for me. As I sit, waiting for all my results to come and the exams, still left, to get over, there's something which seems to close several doors for me. I feel there are doors opening but I can't see them clearly. I know they are there, open, ready to let me. I hope I can find that one door. It is the one that will lead me to the dream career I have always wanted. I hope I can see the clear picture as soon as possible...